Just Random Thoughts

Okay I haven't written in awhile and because all the kids are gone, I might as well write what I'm thinking. October is one of my favorite months and the reason is because It's when I first started dating my husband (October 21, 2001) Yes, it's almost been 8 yrs! It seems longer then that. Also our wedding anniversary is the 22nd of this month which will make 4 yrs. I'm excited because we have something special planned that weekend. We were planning on going to the outer islands but changed our minds to save money. Instead we are doing a "staycation" yes, we will playing tourist here on own island! We will be staying at a hotel in Waikiki for 2 nights. Our plans include going to Hanauma Bay to snorkel & Riding ATV's (for the first time) at Kualoa Ranch. They have filmed some well known movies there so this should be exciting. Cant wait to go and reconnect with hubby!

The Notebook

No this post isn't about the movie "The Notebook" but dang that movie really is a great movie, you should watch it if you haven't done so yet. It brought tears to my eyes lol. Anyhow this post is about communication with your spouse/partner. I was cleaning my closet one day and found "The Notebook" it actually says that on the cover and it's filled with love letters from the past. You might be thinking OMG that's so childish. In the beginning of our relationship back when we started dating we would write each other love letters. He would start off by writing a poem about how he feels, then I'd write back in letter form telling him how I felt, then before you know it, we are writing back and forth to each other about what were doing at the moment and so forth. We filled the book until there were no pages. Every now and then, I would read the entire thing and laugh about the stuff we put in (there were drawings too). But that notebook gave me an idea. I decided we should write notes to each other once again, I figure -hey we both of cell phones, why not use the text messaging. So we started writing naughty text messages back and forth and it helped with our sex life. We also wrote "love" notes. But then his cell phone broke and there was no way of texting one another. So we got creative yet again and now we use our kids' play writing magnetic toy board (the one where you can erase the message with one swipe). We leave it in the bathroom so that way every morning we can see the message while getting ready to head out. We write encouraging love notes this time around since we are going through tough times. For example, I'd write " Good Morning! GOD loves U! Remember to Pray! Love you!" then he would reply " Ok I will pray, have a nice day and I love GOD, U & da kids". So this is our way of communicating with each other and believe it or not it actually brings us closer. I encourage everyone to try finding ways of communicating even if it means you have to get creative. Remember communication is very important in any relationship. How do you all communicate with your spouses/partner?

My birthday wish

My birthday was on Saturday and my wish was to spend it with my husband. It came true because I made it happen! We got family members to watch all 3 of our little monkeys for the weekend so that me and hubby can have the time of our life! On Friday night we went to the movies and watched Final Destination in 3D, that was a first for us to watch a movie in 3D lol. On Saturday we went to Hanauma Bay to snorkel that too was a first for us! Even though I've lived here all my life, I have never been there until that day and it was so pretty. The fishes were exotic and full of life. It was a great workout (swimming) and experience. Then on Sunday we went to Ko'olina Beach and rode on Kayaks, a first for me! Those paddles really works your arms! wow. I had a great time and doing these experiences for the first time is what really made it enjoyable for me. The best birthday presents you can get is the memories of doing something fun versus material possessions or wealth in my book. In addition to this I was able to spend lots of quality time to better my relationship with my hubby and that's whats awesome too. Now I'm looking forward to trying ATV riding and maybe I'll try and get hubby to go horseback riding with me one day, we'll see?.

Finding my purpose in life

I am sitting in front of my computer with hubby away with the boys and baby girl sleeping. Now that its quiet, I can think and hear what my thoughts are saying. I've come to realize that I have been paying too much attention to others and not my self. I realize I am too focused on my children, I care for them daily but am wrapped up into there world same goes for my marriage. I have lost interest in my hobbies/passions and really don't know what I like to do, could be because I don't know what to do when I do have the free time (sometimes). Things that I have loved doing is non existent in my life now. I don't have a job or career and if I had to go back to school, I wouldn't know what to do? Wow what happen to me? Every now and then I would get sad and down and out and couldn't figure out why, but I'm starting to think its probably because I don't have a passion/goal/hobby. My hubby has his hobbies which includes diving and surfing. When I see him happy and excited cause he caught a "huge" wave or a "monster" fish, I start to think like "wow I want to feel the excitement he feels!" The only question now is how do I do that? They say when you are happy as a person, then everything in your life falls into place and all areas- family, marriage etc. will be happy. So I guess what I'm trying to say in this post is do what you have to do to make yourself happy, dream big and reach your goals, find things you enjoy doing and do them because in the end your spouse and family will thank you.

Taking Time Outs

As I write this, my husband is out with the "boys" or I should say "men" while I'm at home watching the kids. Every now and then its good to get a "time out" from your spouse. On our so called time outs, either I go out on a "girls night out" or spend time alone relaxing without anyone. My husband would go out at night with his boys doing what boys do. Anyhow it feels good to be apart for a bit, I noticed that when we don't see each other for a couple of hours or even an entire day, I start to miss him and the longer he is away, the more I miss him. The same thing applies to him as well. When we do see each other after having our fun we tend to appreciate each other more. I'm guessing the same goes for everyone else? unless your so fed up with your spouse you just cant stand to be around him when your together but yet feel a sense of peace without him then you know you have marital problems right there and that's not good. Even in rough times the same is true when you and your spouse are apart. When me and husband had a super short(several days) separation in 2007, we missed each other and worked things out. Also it happened again earlier this year, took a short separation and realized things, missed one another, worked things out. So you see, taking these time outs from your spouse can help your relationship in a way where you appreciate them for being in your life and for doing all that they do for you and in return they feel the same way about you so then you feel good about yourself. What do you do on time outs? Do you feel a sense of closeness to your spouse after your time outs? Time Outs are important in our lives, is it in yours?

25 secrets to a happy marriage

I saw this on AOL & wanted to share with you all. This is the 25 secrets to having a happy marriage.

1. Compliment more. Criticize less.

2. No matter how busy you are, always make time for just the two of you.

3. Never assume.

4. Evenly divide the housework and spending money.

5. Every couple fights. Don't sweat that. What matters is how you fight.

6. Respect each other's privacy. No snooping!

7. Share.

8. Surprise your spouse occasionally.

9. Say "I love you." A lot.

10. Hold hands, hug and kiss every day.

11. Love isn't always a feeling. After you have been married for a number of years, love can often be a decision.

12. Say "I'm sorry." (And mean it.)

13. Don't keep secrets from each other.

14. Support one another. Be the first one to stand up and take the other's side.

15. Laugh often.

16. Don't compare your marriage to other marriages.

17. When you're fighting or angry, don't say these words: "never," "always" and any curse word.

18. Fight boredom by doing something fun together. For example, write a "bucket list" and then do those things.

19. Spice it up! Make love in different places and positions.

20. Talk to each other. And when it's your turn to listen, really listen.

21. Be committed to your marriage. Ban the word "divorce" from your vocabulary. And don't even think about an affair.

22. Create your own rituals and traditions.

23. Brag about your spouse.

24. Be kind.

25. As Aretha Franklin sang, always R-E-S-P-E-C-T each other.

(Sources: CNN, Redbook, Romancestuck.com, Halife.com)

Money: One of the top reasons for Divorces

Okay I figured I write about this because it's something I'm going through right now (arguing about money all the time) So I read up on articles and have found that one of the top reasons for divorces has to do with money after abuse and infidelity. Money is not really my fave subject, to be honest I hate dealing with money, it could be because I'm managing the money all the time and it has been a burden to me, constantly worrying if will make ends meets, arguing how my husband spends his money and how it affects the amount we have later etc. I do have to say that for us right now this is the number one reason why we fight. Our money situation was fine until recently my hubby had this urge to spend on himself recklessly. It was then I felt unhappy, miserable & constantly worrying. First off, I want to explain our financial situation so then maybe you will understand why I feel the way I do. I do not work, I stay at home and care for the kids. We only have one income ( my husbands). We do not have government/welfare help, just WIC (milk, eggs, cereal). We live on our own, pay rent, pay utilities, insurance, 2 loan payments & a number of other bills monthly. We do not rely on any family members or friends. We have no savings or emergency fund. We are basically living from one check to the next. I have tried to budget our money but it's been impossible for 2 reasons- 1) Hubby likes to spend money 2) after the bills are paid he has so little left that I am not able to save, either way. Basically we are total opposites when it comes to money. My main fear is that he will lose his job and we will be homeless. His idea is whatever happens, happens and we will be ok. I wish I could think like that but its hard when your managing the money and you have the power to not make it happen. Someone gave me the idea of having him manage the bills so he could see where I'm coming from, good idea the only problem is he doesn't want to bother. How do you and your spouse deal with money problems? Who does the managing of the money? Do you feel money is a factor when you have marital problems? My goal is to come up with a plan to be able to meet both of our needs as well as the family. It will be tough but I will try and stay positive especially since the economy got worse and it has taken a toll on us. Staying positive is one of the key factors as to how we tone things done when we are arguing. I will explain about it in my next post.